


Lance: An Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

by Horizonholds



Series: Paladins: Owners' Guide and Maintenance Manual [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Other, what is this I don't even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Horizonholds/pseuds/Horizonholds
Summary: Congratulations on the purchase of your very own Lance. This manual will provide you with the information you need on the proper use and maintenance of your Blue Paladin of Voltron, so he can continue saving the galaxy and flirting with the ladies for years to come.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's weird to realize how much of fandom has colored my opinion of some things. Perhaps I'll do an "after market" version of this sometime.

Congratulations on the purchase of your very own Lance. This manual will provide you with the information you need on the proper use and maintenance of your Blue Paladin of Voltron, so he can continue saving the galaxy and flirting with everyone for years to come.

### Specifications

  * **Model** : #3C73C0_BluPaladin_2016
  * **Manufacturer** : Dreamworks-World Events, Subdivision Mir
  * **Manufacture Date** : 2016
  * **Operating System** : VoltronLegendaryDefenderSeason2_2016
  * **Species** : Human
  * **Hair Color:** Brown
  * ****Eye Color:**** Blue
  * **Height** : 6’0 
  * **Weight** : 150lbs 
  * **Length** : Satisfactory, although he may exaggerate about it. 
  * **Birthday** : July 25th 
  * **Age** : 18. Due to legal liability issues surrounding the private use of underaged models, all Lance’s manufactured as of October 2016 are 18 years old.



### Accessories

  * One (1) Blue Lion of Voltron
  * One (1) Blue bayard
  * One (1) Voltron Armor
  * Facial supplies. We tried quantifying this. We failed. We’re not sure where he got it all. Hopefully you have a spacious bathroom.



### Unpacking

Your Lance will arrive in one of three ways:

  * A shuttle will crash in your front lawn. We are not responsible for damages.
  * He will have piggy-backed on a Hunk or Keith model. In the case of Hunk he may literally be piggy backing and will need to be removed. This is known as a "Lancetomy." If you didn’t purchase a Lance model, you _will_ be expected to return him.
  * Out of a wormhole while flying a blue lion of Voltron. Figure eights, barrel rolls, and other forms of showboating will be present. This method of arrival is most common if you’ve purchased the Paladin Box Set, as a Keith, Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro model will also be present. If you did not purchase the Paladin Box Set, please return your extra Paladins.



After removing Lance from his packaging, one of the very first things Lance will attempt to do is flirt with you. This is normal, even if you aren’t human. Make sure to have a shower or bath composed of water (H2O) ready to wash your Lance, which will ensure proper lubrication and allow you to inspect your Lance for any defects or damages during shipping. If you are female, Lance will cooperate enthusiastically.

 **Warning** : If you are pair-bonded, it would be wise to receive your Lance when your spouse/lover is not home. We are not liable for property damage, physical/emotional injury, or your divorce fees.

### Uses

Lance comes with an installed chip that allows him to understand most galactic and earth based languages, and he actively speaks English. In addition to being an impressive example of the best humanity has to offer, Lance comes with several installed functions:

  * **Human Shield** : Lance has the highest weight-to-durability ratio of the Paladin models. This means he is both quick on his feet, and able to take a blow. He’s a fairly good body guard, in a literal sense.
  * **Paladin Of Voltron** : Lance pilots the Blue Lion, and various space-faring craft. He’s also an excellent sharpshooter, and will show off this ability with little prompting, if given a target.
  * **Skincare Specialist** : Lance is notorious for his extensive self-cleaning regime (see: “Care and Maintenance”), and will happily apply his skills to you as well.
  * **Athletic Coordinator** : As a young man and paladin of voltron, Lance is used to a lot of physical activity. He has high stamina and energy! As such, Lance will enjoy activities such as swimming, soccer, and extensive bedspring testing.



### Care and Maintenance

Lance is well recorded as being a highly social model, so aside from regular cleaning, housing, and feeding, it is advised that Lance be provided a companion if you are unable to be with him for long periods of time. Do not leave him alone for more than 24 hours. More compatibility details are under the “Compatibility with Other Models” section.

Your Lance will require regular feeding to maintain optimal output. While it may be tempting to keep Lance on a diet of syrup and chocolate sauce, he does need to eat balanced meals.

While you may be tempted to just run Lance under a hose or shower to clean him off and get back to business, you’ll find your Lance will quickly become dissatisfied as his self-cleaning mode is an involved process (although it’s one he’ll happily involve you in). Many new owners are unprepared for just how seriously Lance takes hygiene. At a minimum, an extensive bubble bath or shower-bodywash is involved, along with a nail-care, body lotions, and face mask routine before he goes to sleep. If Lance is stressed, the process becomes even more elaborate.

### Compatibility With Other Models

Lance is one of the most popular models available under the Voltron product line, in part because he is extremely friendly. He’s been recorded as getting along well even with models from outside of the VoltronLD Production line, as he teams up easily. We believe he will similarly function well alongside older models from the GoLion, VoltronDU, VoltronF, Voltron84, VoltronE or VoltronTD product lines. There have been reports of Lance functioning well with models that range from StarWars to YuuriOnIce. However, Lance has predominantly been tested and approved for use with the VoltronLD line, with the following results:

  * **Hunk** : (VoltronLD Line) Lance gets along so famously well with Hunk that it is unusual for owners to not eventually have both models in a single household. Lance helps modulate Hunk’s more skittish tendencies, while Hunk provides Lance much needed companionship, as Lance tends to become lonely easily. If Lance goes into a depression spiral, he’s often easily set right with affection from Hunk.
  * **Pidge** : (VoltronLD Line) Lance and Pidge start off rough, but Lance’s legendary friendliness does eventually overcome Pidge’s initial snapishness. A certain amount of friendly bickering is not uncommon. Be warned that without another, more stable model to balance the duo out, you will eventually be subjected to extremely _strange_ plots, booby traps, and devices as Lance and Pidge start a feedback loop between them on unconventional strategies and devices, and strange ideas in general.
  * **Keith** : (VoltronLD Line) The bickering between these two is legendary. Lance will start it, but Keith will definitely continue it, and unfortunately, no recorded interventions have been successful. However, the bickering seems to have no real hostility behind it, and over time these two become extremely close. Lance can be hard to motivate, but Keith’s presence will send him into competitive overdrive, while Keith will develop a sense of playfulness (an understated one, but still present).
  * **Shiro** : (VoltronLD Line) Lance and Shiro have not often been observed alone, but initial reports have been promising. Lance has been recorded as saying Shiro is his hero, and Shiro’s level headedness generally ensures smooth transitions. Lance does show considerable improvement in drive and focus around a Shiro, while Shiro will show fewer signs of stress with a Lance present.
  * **Coran** : (AlteanLD Line) Coran will often take an “uncle” role with Lance, providing emotional support and encouraging Lance’s more playful antics and wilder ideas.
  * **Allura** : (AlteanLD Line): While Lance will flirt with Allura, and she generally seems exasperated about it, the two do function well as a team, provided Lance tones down the flirting.



 

  * **All GalraEmpire Models** : No positive interaction between the Garla empire models and any models from the Voltron line have been recorded under factory settings, as the models were designed to be incompatible. Expect damage to occur to all models if kept under one household. _Do not keep Galra models under the same roof as Voltron models. This will void your warranty due to avoidable damage caused by improper use_. This line includes but is not limited to: Zarkon, Haggar, Zendak, Prorok, Morvok, Throk, and Haxus.
  * **Lotor** : (Galra Empire Line) Despite reports of potential friendly interaction between Lance and Lotor if the owner manipulates the situation appropriately, _this has not been confirmed in any test environment by the manufacturer_. Lotor is a Galra model and as such, falls under that disclaimer. Rumors or claims otherwise are likely the result of aftermarket tampering and as such, doubly voids your warranty. 



### FAQ

 **Q** : At first the boasting was endearing, but he’s started doing it a lot more often and it’s getting annoying. How do I get my Lance to stop boasting?

 **Q** : Lance is taking his competitive streak with Keith too far. It’s actually causing harm. How do I get him to stop?

 **A** : Excessive boasting or competitiveness from a Lance is a sign he’s feeling very insecure. The presence of a Keith in your home, no matter how friendly they are otherwise, can often exacerbate this (whether from Keith engaging in competitive behavior or Lance simply developing an inferiority complex). The best remedy, counterintuitively, is praise. Find things that you think Lance does well at (don’t lie, he can tell and it _will_ make things worse) and tell him. Small gestures of appreciation work as well. If you have a Hunk or a Coran in your home, they can also provide additional emotional support to help your Lance calm down more quickly.

 

 **Q** : My Lance has become quiet and withdrawn. What can I do?

 **A** : This is also another sign of insecurity. The remedy is a little different however: lots of hugs and affection will help bring him out of his funk faster, but there is going to be some waiting it out. Again, the presence of a Coran or Hunk will help, but Keith is occasionally useful in this situation as well. This is _not_ the time for body shots or fishnets.

 

 **Q** : My Lance is running around in a red, green, and black getup and is wearing no pants. What happened?

 **A** : You have been issued a Robin model from the BatmanBB line. Please contact customer support.

 

 **Q** : Lance keeps trying to steal the neighbor’s Shiro. How do I make him stop?

 **A** : You’ll need to explain to Lance that Shiro has _not_ been kidnapped and is not being held against his will by sketchy members of a quasi-governmental agency. However, if you have a Keith or Pidge as well, this behavior is likely to continue. You may need to try and make some arrangement with your neighbor.

 

### Aftermarket Tampering

This guide covers the default specifications of Lance, which do _not_ include Shipping settings. Downloading Shipping settings from third party vendors voids the warranty and we will charge for any repairs to software or hardware that occur as a result of unauthorized modifications to your Lance.


	2. Season 3 Patch Notes

Those of you who have already downloaded the Season3 patch will notice some changes involving your Lance. The major updates include:

  * Lance is no longer the pilot of the blue lion. Instead, he now pilots the red lion. Attempts to have Lance resume piloting the blue lion will fail, because Allura now pilots the blue lion.
  * Lance now uses the red bayard. 
    * Lance can transform his rifle into a sniper rifle.
  * Lance’s armor color has not changed.



###  Compatibility With Other Models

  * **Keith** : Lance’s interactions with Keith have undergone a definite change with the season3 update. Lance spends less time arguing with Keith, and more time trying to be Keith’s common sense. (This doesn’t always work.) Lance has also been expressing more vulnerability around Keith.
  * **Allura** : The flirting with Allura is almost completely absent with the Season3 patch, and Lance and Allura seem to have a better working relationship. No bitterness over the lion-exchange present.



###  FAQ For Season 3 Patch

**Q** : So, shipping?

**A** : There is still no shipping.

 

**Q** : Lance isn’t making nearly as many jokes or silly comments lately. What should I do?

**A** : This is part and parcel of the Season3 patch, and is nothing to be concerned about.

 

**Q** : Lance keeps calling Shiro, “Sven” and insisting he needs to go to the “space hospital.”

**A** : This is a known bug, please contact technical support.


	3. Season 4 Patch Notes

With the Season 4 patch, Lance has been upgraded with some new skillsets:

  * **Farming**! Your Lance knows how to handle farm animals and presumably farm equipment. This one didn’t get a lot of testing.
  * ~~What the hell are we supposed to call that rope slide routine? It’s one thing to have Shiro be buggy with every subsequent update but I don’t know what to tell people about this.~~
  * ****Dance.** Your Lance now comes with an updated dance function! We do not recommend that he display this ability in front of anyone under 18 years old, however.**



### FAQ For Season 4 Patch

**Q** : We just want to thank whoever it was who gave Lance a Poledancer Runtime.

**A** : … we hired one of the third-party vendors recently, who apparently read a fanfic about this. Which is how that happened. You’re welcome. ~~I think. I checked it out, it was pretty well written.~~

 

**Q** : I have neither a Pidge nor a Hunk. Where did Lance get this game console from? Where the hell did all these weird ports come from?

**A** : ~~I swear to god Dave did you guys accidentally copy one of Pidge or Hunk’s subroutines?~~ Lance may have acquired new technical expertise in this update. It’s yet to have been confirmed nor denied by our development team, however.


End file.
